Questions parents have about religious vocations

Q . What is the role of parents in encouraging vocations to their children?

Ultimately you love and support them. The grace that God gives to parents is what best nourishes and supports the young person. Thinking always as your son or daughter first is best. Continue to have expectations of him or her.

Q . How can parents talk about Church vocations when what they know about from personal experience is married life?

Parents can talk to their children about the importance of discovering God’s purpose in their lives. It can be helpful to them to hear how you discovered that you were called to marriage.

As Catholics, each of us has a responsibility to learn about each vocation so that we can support others. Parents need to learn about and understand Church vocations as well as marriage and single life. Some resources for doing this are personal contacts with priests and sisters, reading the lives of the saints, literature about Church vocations and Web sites such as ccpriest.org.

Q . How should I react if my son or daughter talks to me about becoming a priest, nun or brother?

If this has not happened yet, maybe you ought to ask yourself how you or your spouse might react. Would it be a shock? Concern? Skepticism? Would this be a dream come true for you or your worst nightmare?

Knowing and understanding your own feelings and your reasons for them is an important step in knowing how to respond to your son or daughter. The vast majority of teens today feel that if they told their parents they were even “just thinking” about priesthood or religious life, their parents would be completely opposed to the idea, laugh at them or in some other way not take them seriously.

A vocation is quite simply a call from God. God gives each one of us a vocation and has blessed us with certain abilities and talents. He calls some of us to be married. Others are called to be single. Still others are called to the priesthood or to religious life. One vocation is not better than another. The hope is that if your child shows an interest in religious life or the priesthood you will be supportive and encouraging.

Q . I just found out my son or daughter is well along in the decision to enter seminary or a religious community. Why did he or she not talk with me?

Try not to be offended or hurt that your son or daughter did not confide in you until now. When discerning a vocation, men and women often wish to keep things confidential from the people closest to them until they are ready to talk about it.

Rest assured your son or daughter both needs and desires your support and encouragement. In fact, your support as a parent is most likely valued more than that of any other figure in your child’s life.

Q . We are not a very religious family. Where did this vocation come from?

A son or daughter’s news of discernment to serve the Church takes some parents aback because they do not consider themselves to be a particularly religious family. While a child’s faith, worship and vocational plans are oftentimes influenced by family practices and expectations, a vocation to serve the Church is a call from God, the author of all life.
This call is intensely personal. Although your child desires to discern his or her call with great attention and fidelity, you are not obliged to alter your current religious practices unless you wish to do so. Still, your son or daughter will certainly benefit greatly from your support during his or her discernment.

Q . If I had provided a better model of marriage for my child, would he or she have chosen to marry?

Some parents have expressed remorse that had they offered a more functional, loving model of marriage that their son or daughter would have chosen a married vocation over a single-hearted vocation to serve God’s people and his Church. In other words, an attitude is adopted, “It’s my fault that my son is discerning a vocation to the priesthood.” This is very rarely a reality and this sense of causal-guilt should be abandoned.

Although a functional, loving model of married life in the household is very beneficial, several, healthy models of marriage are present in the lives of children and young adults among neighbors, extended family, parishioners, coaches and teachers to name only a few. A vocation comes to a young person in the form of a personal call from God and should never be seen as a last or only option due to a limitation of choice.

Q . How can I best support my son or daughter as he or she discerns a vocation to priesthood or religious life?

This is another common anxiety. In many other moments in your child’s life, you have felt ready to offer sound advice from your own past experiences. However, because vocations to the priesthood or consecrated life are such unique calls, you may feel unqualified to offer helpful advice. One helpful question you can ask is, “What is the most important thing I can do to assist and support you?” This simple question will mean a great deal. It is a further sign of your unconditional love as a parent.

Prayer will, of course, help. Listen without judging or criticizing and reassure your child that whatever the decision, you will love and accept him. Don’t start treating your child differently, and be honest with him or her about your worries and concerns about a vocation. Another helpful question is, “Is your discernment of a vocation something that you’d like me to keep confidential at the moment?” This will assure your son or daughter of your respect for his or her “pace” of discernment and of its public knowledge.