Questions parents have about religious vocations, Part 2

Father Joseph Lopez, JCL, is Vocations Director for the Diocese of Corpus Christi.

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Parents with children considering a life as a priest or religious sister or brother often have many questions. This is the second of two-part series in which we will review some of these questions. Perhaps you have not thought of all these questions or perhaps you have others, but it is important that you honestly consider these questions so that you can provide your son or daughter the support they need.

Q. I am worried that my son or daughter is not suited to serve the Church.

The very individuals who are in discernment commonly express these same concerns. They are usually due to certain temperaments or failings. The priesthood and religious life require a high caliber of skills, abilities and psychosexual maturity. However, they are not reserved to “the perfect.”

If every young man who experienced the first movements in his heart to serve the Church waited until he felt completely worthy to begin his discernment, we may not have any priests at all. A genuine vocation is not measured by one’s feelings of worthiness, but rather by one’s desire to respond to God’s call to serve the Church as a disciple of Christ.

The academic and formation programs offered in the seminary and in religious communities seek to develop natural skills and abilities and to remedy any weaknesses or deficiencies. Before the discernment process reaches this stage, however, the most supportive action parents can take is to encourage their son or daughter to be faithful to God’s call.

Q. Is it normal for my son or daughter to have doubt and faith throughout the process?

Yes, doubt and faith are both part of the process of discerning and preparing for a vocation; questioning is normal and doubt is part of being human. Having doubts about one’s abilities and worthiness will happen.

But we have to tell ourselves that it is God’s grace that effects the change in us and that makes this possible. We need to realize that sometimes we will naturally move forward under our own excitement and sometimes we will need to very consciously put one foot in front of the other.

Q. Who pays for everything?

Each religious community and diocese establishes its own financial policies concerning its candidates.

Typically, candidates for a religious community are expected to cover the cost of their tuition, room and board and, other related expenses until they profess vows. Dioceses often help their seminarians cover part of their expenses. For both, candidates for religious communities and dioceses, scholarships, loans and grants are available. A lack of finances should never prevent someone from responding to God’s call to religious life or the priesthood. Feel free to call the Diocesan Vocations Offices to learn more.

Q. What if my son or daughter changes his or her mind? What happens if my son or daughter leaves seminary or convent before its completion?

Discernment is an ongoing process. Becoming a candidate with a diocese or religious community does not mean that your child is obligated to become a priest, sister or brother. Formation directors will help your child discern whether this choice is a good one. Your child may decide that he or she is called to serve the Church in some other way, such as by being married and raising children. Prayer and reflection will help your child develop a better sense of God’s call.

It is possible that your son or daughter could spend as few as five days or as many as five years in seminary or convent and discern that a life of single-hearted service in the Church is not for him or her. There is nothing shameful about withdrawing from a program for this reason. The time spent in formation should never be considered a waste. Your son or daughter will have grown in holiness, self-awareness and in personal maturity through the entire process of discernment and by his or her time in a formation program.

Q. Do priests and sisters remain connected to their families?

Yes, priests and sisters continue to support and be supported by the members of their families. They visit family members and take part in family celebrations and events. Many families find an even stronger bond with children and siblings who have chosen a Church-related vocation. In a unique way, the parish and community also becomes an extended family for them.

If your son’s discernment leads him to enter seminary, his departure will be similar to a son leaving home to attend college or to enlist in the military. There will be an inevitable transition period for all parties. If a son enters seminary to study for the priesthood, he will most likely make visits home during Thanksgiving, Christmas and over the summer vacation each year. Throughout his formation in seminary, he will be encouraged to maintain and develop family relationships through occasional visits and by frequent communication.

Q . I’m worried that my son or daughter will be lonely living a celibate lifestyle.

There is a difference between aloneness and loneliness. A celibate life can be a fulfilling life. Moments of solitude or aloneness are required for prayer, reflection, homily preparation and rest. Still, no vocation is immune to loneliness; every human being has some lonely moments, whether he or she is married, single, priest or religious.

Priests and religious must always be vigilant in maintaining healthy relationships with family, friends, brother priests, parishioners and fellow members of one’s religious community, as well as enjoying recreational pursuits.

Q. I’m sad I’ll never be a grandparent or have a daughter- or son-in-law.

This is a common response from parents; but, in fact, there are no guarantees you would be one even if your child had not entered the priesthood or religious life. Although the presence of grandchildren would offer much happiness, every parent desires first and foremost that their son or daughter live a joyful and fulfilled life.

If God is calling your son or daughter to serve the Church as a priest or consecrated religious person, fulfillment, happiness and holiness of life will only be fully realized by faithfully responding to this call. The Church recognizes with great respect and appreciation this sacrifice of parents. We trust that God will bless them abundantly—in ways you may not understand now—through your son or daughter’s happiness as a priest, brother or sister.